


Sugar and Spice

by Rebel_Scum1221



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: .gasp. and there was only ONE bed, Ben has a wee bit of depression, F/M, Its complete and other trash and makes me contemplate why i am on this earth, Or the classic: Pretend to be my boyfriend so my friends will get off my back, Rey stress bakes, This is my first attempt at legitimate Fan Fiction sooooo, Warning... this fic contains the following cliches, and another favorite: We're neighbors and you're hot, because were getting all the cliches, but also i like you, honestly just expect all the cliches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 16:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18285797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebel_Scum1221/pseuds/Rebel_Scum1221
Summary: Rey bakes when she's stressed, but unfortunately never has enough room to finish all of her baked goods. Thus leading her to give her neighbor- who she may or may not have the hots for- her leftovers. Shenanigans ensue...





	1. Snickerdoodle Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> Well thank you kind hooman for clicking on this complete and utter trash. I don't know what I am doing with my life but please do enjoy if that is possible since this is likely a pit of doom you are entering.  
> Good luck!

Rey doesn't remember when exactly she first started baking, but she thinks It could have been when she was placed in that first good home— one that actually had the ingredients to make something other than salty dough. 

Her foster parents let her lick the spoon after making a massive batch of snickerdoodle cookies for a school bake sale. 

They've been her favorite ever since. 

It's what she made now in fact; the mixer whirred around the bowl as she turned up the speed. 

She shouldn't be baking. Not when she needed to run through her presentation for tomorrow— a opportunity that was unexpected but nonetheless one she is grateful for having.  
Then there was the matter of the reports Snap brought in that needed to be thoroughly examined. Someone on site didn't fill them out correctly— an error that should get them fired, seeing as how these reports were supposed to go straight to the 'big guy' for a serious project they were working on, but instead had to get delayed leaving tensions rather high in the office. 

Oh and you know, the fact that the new year was up and coming and she would get more wedding invitations in the mail which would then prompt her to examine her apartment and wonder what exactly she was doing with her life. 

It's not that she wants to be married or have children, lord knows she's not ready for that, but it would be nice to have someone. 

At least if she had a boyfriend she wouldn't have to face those weddings alone. For once, she'd actually be able to fill her plus one. 

She guessed one bright side of not having a family was she wouldn't have to deal with the pesterings of "is there anyone special in you life?" Or the classic "hurry up! I want grand babies!" 

She'd heard enough from Paige to know that was definitely something she was glad not to endure.

It was nice being alone, Rey thought. She could decorate her house how she wanted it, she could spend quiet days at her favorite café down the road, and she wouldn't get pestered about things she enjoyed.

But must of all, it was nice because If she didn't have anyone, then no one would leave her. 

A strange philosophy sure, everyone knows it took Rey long enough to realize her friends weren't going to ghost her one day, but it was a different type of intimacy you shared with someone you loved.

Not that she would know.

Her dating life consisted of a boyfriend in college who, to no ones surprise, cheated on her, graduated, and left Rey behind. 

And sure, if you wanted to count the rebound hookups in the months following you could but that was basically it.

And thinking about all of that and more led her to this. 

Baking. 

So Rey did what she does best and made a batch of snickerdoodle cookies.

Then a batch after that. 

And one more for good measure. 

Needless to say she was overwhelmed with cookies, they practically spilled off of her counter, and as much as she'd love to eat them all, it probably wasn't the best idea. 

She paused, examining her work before taking out all of her Tupperware and started piling cookie after cookie into the containers. 

_What is this?_

Plunk.

_Who in the world makes this many cookies? I have a serious problem!_

Plunk. 

_Clearly this isn't normal... What do normal people do on a friday night? I should be drinking right now shouldn't I? That's what normal people do._

Plunk. 

Her thoughts raged on as she finally filled the last container, snapping on its bright red lid. The question still arose as to what she was going to do with all of these cookies. 

Rey supposed she could take a few into the office on Monday, hopefully that would ease some of the insanity there, but not all of them.

After separating the containers and saving a few for herself she was left with only one, the biggest one she had.

Scrounging up ideas as to how to get rid of it, Rey bit into one of the cookies, the warmth of it making the taste all the better. 

She supposed she could share with Ben. 

Her neighbor had been on the receiving end of some of her other stress bakes before. Granted they were smaller bakes, with Rey only willing to spare a few cookies. 

He would appreciate it though, he always had with her prior baked gifts. He'd smile in appreciation, and even invited her in for tea a couple of times. 

But it was Friday. 

Ben was likely out doing exactly what your average 23 year old would do. Exactly what Rey was not. 

She assumed he was busy. He likely had more friends than her, with that warm chuckle and intelligent humor, but it was worth a shot. She could always leave the cookies with a note on his doorstep. 

Eating the last of her own cookie, Rey stood up, grabbed the Tupperware, and headed out the door. 

 

~ 

 

She knocked softly on his door, realizing that if by some chance he wasn't out with friends maybe he was the type of person who turned in early. Ten forty five wasn't late for Rey, but then again she was also a night owl so nothing was ever really late for her. 

In the seconds she waited outside her mind spun, quickly making her regret coming over. 

_Who the fuck gives cookies to their neighbors at 11 pm?!_

Luckily before her mind could convince her to turn around the door unlocked.

Brown eyes peered behind the crack in the door before Ben fully opened it. He was clad in nothing but pajama pants, and his hair was a ruffled mess sticking up in several different directions. 

Rey was suddenly very flustered.

She's never seen him shirtless, and boy, he was hiding some serious treasure beneath those shirts. The man had an eight pack! Who in this world had an eight pack?

"Hello," Rey squeeked. "I um, well I was baking and I might have made a batch too many so I thought I'd share. I really hope I didn't bother you." It was just then Rey realized he could have someone over. I mean one could theorize that his hair was so ruffled because of someone else? She quickly added, "or if you're with anyone, I don't mean to interrupt. I just.. I thought you might like some snickerdoodle cookies?" 

He gave her one of those smiles she became so used to receiving and opened the door further.

"You brought a lot this time." 

"Well I made a lot. I think there is another three dozen in my apartment." 

He gave her an incredulous look and motioned her inside. Rey moved swiftly, careful not to brush up against his bare chest while she made her way into his apartment. 

"You want some tea?" He asked while making his way around her, completely comfortable like he's not displaying his chiseledness that's driving Rey insane.

"Have you ever known a Brit to turn down tea?" She asked, trying to regain some suave. 

"Well you're the only Brit I've met so I don't think I have enough information to correctly assume, considering you've said yes every time." 

Her resounding smile was a good enough response for him. He turned getting two mugs out from his cabinet. Rey has to remind herself not to stare at the rippling muscles that he bluntly displayed as he fulfilled the action. 

"So what's going on?" He asked it outright as he turned back around. Rey was confused as to what he meant. 

"Huh?" 

"The baking." 

"What about it?" She asked, still not quite understanding the question.

"You stress bake, and considering this time last year you showed up with a whole chocolate cake, and you've steadily started increasing your baking gifts over the past month, I'd say somethings up."

She let out an embarrassing giggle, looking at anything but the man in front of her who was not putting a kettle on the stove. 

"So..?" He peered over his shoulder, and Rey was surprised to see the sincerity in his gaze. 

"Work, the holidays, the fact that everyone else is moving on with their life and I'm very much stuck in the one never ending stage. You know. The usual. It's stupid really, I've brought everything on myself and I should be grateful for what I have." 

He only hmm'd in response, waiting for her to elaborate. 

"You know, everyone getting married living happy lives. Weddings when your single is a pain in the ass. I can't even get laid, much less be in a legitimate relationship. Not that I don't mind being alone, I really don't, I just it would be nice you know... Oh and don't even get me started on the idiots at my office fucking up my life in the one thing I was somewhat successful in." 

"Being alone and being lonely are two different things Rey." His gaze caught her as he put toe tea bags in the respective mugs. 

"This is true, but—" 

"I could help you." He cut her off before abruptly turning to retrieve the screeching kettle.

Rey paused.

_. He didn't mean with the getting laid portion did he? Its wrong to assume that right?_

"You know, give you insightful information, not that I'm the best source seeing as how I'm not in a relationship. But I'm a guy. Maybe a second opinion will help?" 

"Oh! Yeah, no Ben that sounds great. Clearly I'm quite desperate so any help is much appreciated." Rey quickly regained her thoughts. 

"I don't know how to help with the job bit though... sorry." He handed her the mug, a bright yellow one with white polka dots. It was the first one she used when she was here, and in the few teas they've had she's used the same one. 

Ben sat down next to her on his island, the chair groaning a bit at the sheer mass and beef of the man, his mug respectively black in color. 

He opened the lid of the Tupperware and took out a cookie biting into it. Rey focused her attention on her mug, otherwise she wouldn't be able to draw her eyes away from his lips. 

_. Jesus Rey, What is this? You saw him shirtless, it's no different from seeing someone at the pool._

"I have to say though, if you agree to this you have to promise to continue baking for me. I don't want to miss out on this greatness because I tried to be nice." 

"Understood."

 

~~~~~~~

 

Ben had been trying to fall asleep. Trying and failing. 

Tonight was a rough night for him, but then again when were they ever easy? Sleeping was a chore in and of itself, likely resulting in broken down frustration and time passing in a hollow daze, but it was impossible to muster up the inspiration to do much else. 

His mind was like a stepped on ant hill. His thoughts scurrying to the surface like those ants until the hill was unrecognizable under a wave of the insects, and in the same way, any semblance of normalcy was being covered by his thoughts. But ants repair their home. In a way Ben guessed he repaired too, most of the time waking up the next day with a semi-normal mind, except the next evening the anthill gets stepped on again. A repetitive cycle that he initiated day after day. He was the schoolkid that constantly disrupted the peace of their home. He was the person breaking himself. 

Many days had passed just like that. Evenings spent in the utter silence of his apartment. He slept very little, worked out a lot, and spent the rest of his time trying to push out ideas for his book. He had spent the better part of that evening in utter darkness on his couch, as he lost the inspiration to get up once the light from his window faded to the deep blue of evening. He was cold, he was tired, and he was just utterly exhausted with living with his fucked up mind. 

Ben hadn't eaten anything since midday. His lunch consisted of whatever required the least amount of energy to make, reaching that stage of his pitfall early on that day. He opted for some stale crackers and a couple of slices of turkey breast he had packaged in his very empty fridge, and although his stomach protested the effort it took to eat was also too much to handle. So he laid on his couch as per usual. 

He was mellowing, and he damn well knew that, but remember the whole inspiration to do stuff thing? Yeah, well it turns out it also took a lot of energy to get out of this hole he was sinking further and further into. 

Ben was no closer to sleep when he heard a knock on his door, faint and timid. He half debated not answering, but something tugged in his chest and instead he got up. 

_A fucking miracle._

He was immediately glad with whatever part of the shell of a life that he now was miraculously mustered up the strength to move. 

Rey stared at him from across the door way, clad with a container of cookies. 

This was her second visit in the past month, the last time she gave him a whole apple pie. It was the primary food source for him for four days, her lovely gift delaying his dreaded trip to the store for just a little longer. This was why he got up, he thought. Some subconscious part of him knew it would be Rey, and that somehow was enough to bring him back to the world. 

She launched into an explanation that Ben was actually trying to listen to. 

"You brought a lot this time." He stated, glancing at her cookies. It was the only thing he could think to say as his still muddled mind took time to catch up to his change of pace, trying to go into "Interactive mode" or as Ben liked to call it, "Pretending to be a normal functioning human being mode".

"Well I made a lot. I think there is another three dozen in my apartment." 

She had ended up in his apartment drinking his tea— which he thankfully still had left over after a successful trip to the store a few months back and graciously hadn't run out of during a couple of Rey's other visits. It was crazy the change she created in him, as if just her mere presence forced him to appear a different person. No, it was as if her presence was enough of a push for him to get his shit together for the time being. 

Her effect on him even went as far as Ben offering to help her. He regretted it the second he said it, not because he didn't want to spend more time with her, but because of the reality of it. 

Him, offering help when he is the one that can't live a functioning life. 

The idea was ridiculous, complete and utter stupidity more like it, but the smile Rey gave him after he mentioned the fact eliminated any of his thoughts on the matter. 

And now here he was analyzing their whole conversation whilst laying in bed, knowing there would be no way in hell he'd get any sleep tonight. 

 

~

 

The next morning Ben spent some quality time with the pavement, a punching bag, and as per usual, his self destructive mind. His body was numb with the cold by the time he returned to the garage he rented with his apartment. The numbness was welcomed, along with the general feeling that his lungs were bleeding. 

Physical numbness, was better than mental numbness.

He spent a minute to catch his breath before attacking the bag in the rented space, not letting that thought develop further. 

It was a good things mornings existed. 

Early. That was the only time he got anything done, chasing away the impending doom of the evening before it had time to drag him by his ankles back to the confines of his mind. 

He worked out, showered, and then slowly faded into the darkness, just like every other day. 

It wasn't until he heard that faint little knock on his door, and with that knock a little flicker of light shined through the blackness he had created. 

 

~~~~~~~

 

Rey didn't know what she was doing there, back at Ben's flat the following day. It was as if her body acted by itself, not letting her brain catch up to convince her not to do exactly that. It hadn't even been a day. Ben would no doubt think she was crazy.

So now there Rey was, stuck in the same situation as the previous day. 

Sure enough, he answered, this time thankfully wearing a shirt— Rey didn't know what she would have done if she saw his heavenly torso again. 

He glanced at her hands which were, very unusually, empty. The realization of the oddity hits Rey like a freight train. She's never actually been to his flat without some sort of pastry in hand. She wonders if he forgot about his offer— even though that's not _exactly_ why shes here— and won't help her; but before she can scramble for words to apologize he opens her door. 

The first thing Rey notices is that the overhead lights are on. She supposes it is earlier in the day compared to her previous visits, so that made sense. The day before Ben had clicked on a lamp as she walked in, and Rey can't recall the other times she was invited in, but she nonetheless feels like she's seeing his home for the first time. 

The floor plan was very similar to hers, with an open concept that connected the kitchen and living room. A hall ran opened up to the right and it undoubtedly led to a bedroom and bathroom, possibly a spare room too. A blanket was rumpled on a dark leather couch with a television that sat adjacent to it. Everything else was bare. No paintings, no accents, nothing. Rey supposed this was normal for guys. And sure, Finn had a house thirty minutes from her and it wasn't like this, but it didn't really count considering he hired Rose to design it for him. 

The space was the polar opposite to her own flat which was filled with bright colors and random knick-knacks she'd collected over the years. It drove Rose up a wall how cluttered it was. She was sentimental, sue her. 

It was strange, the intimacy she was feeling at the sight of his home in this new light. She didn't know why it was different, it's not like she hadn't been in his flat before, but somehow this was different. 

It reminded her of the first time she was invited to a sleepover in grade school, finally being in a home long enough to make friends. It was strange, seeing how different their home was. Pictures of her friend whose name she can't remember lined the walls, magnets from various locations lined the fridge, and Rey couldn't help but feel odd. You learn things from other peoples homes, there was a sort of vulnerability there, and she had that same feeling now.

She made her way to the kitchen, standing awkwardly by the counter. Her cookies still sat on the counter, a third of them gone. Rey couldn't help but smile at the sight, glad that he liked them. 

"If you want you can sit down, I can make tea again." His voice caught her by surprise. She had been so enamored in examining his house, and so drawn up in the odd feeling she was having that she zoned out. 

"That would be perfect, thank you."

He went to work as she sat down on one of the chairs by the island, his muscles moved underneath his dark shirt and Rey sighed. This was definitely better than spending the evening in her flat alone. 

Somehow being here set her at ease. 

Work was still killing her among other things, and there was no way she would have been able to relax at home. Maybe her subconscious just knew she'd feel better here, as strange as that thought was. She barely knew the man. 

"How was work?" Ben asked while handing her her usual mug.

"Fucking terrible." She said before taking a swig of the tea. It was raspberry, her favorite. "The holidays are busting my ass, my coworkers are idiots, and I just can't seem to work enough overtime to fix the hole we've dug."

He just gave a "hmmn" in response, and it sent shivers down Rey's spine. 

_Well that's new.._

"How's you job? I don't think i ever learned what you do?" 

"I'm a writer."

"Oh?" She expected something different like... a model, or physical trainer. 

"I am currently in between projects. I just left my previous editor, so I'm also searching for someone new while working on some things."

"What do you write? Anything I'd know?"

"Fantasy, and I doubt it." He said. 

"Oh, well I'm kind of a fantasy buff. I read a lot as a kid, though unfortunately things have been too hectic to read a whole lot now. Although I guess if baked less and read more I'd be able to. I've read most of Kylo Ren's works though, he is a pretty big author. Have you read any of his books? He hasn't published anything recently, but I have almost all of his works, I can let you borrow them if you'd like?" She looked up at him hesitantly, realizing that she rambled. That could have ended badly, with Rey fangirling over his work for way too long. 

Ben only gave a small smile. 

Suddenly Rey's phone rang and she scrambled to answer it. 

"Shit! Ben I'm so sorry I totally forgot I had to help Rose with wedding planning this evening." 

"You're good."

She got up and hurried to the door. 

"Raspberry is my favorite, so thank you for the tea. Sorry to rush out like this, Bye Ben!"

"Bye Rey."


	2. Strudle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am thinking my schedule for this fanfic will be Tuesdays and Fridays? That is until I run out of already written work and have to start writing much more. I'll keep all of you updated!   
> Also, I just wanted to thank everyone so so much for all the comments, kudos, and just general support that has been given to this fic. I can't believe people actually enjoy this complete and utter trash that I try to entertain people with..

Ben had yet another sleepless night. The little shut eye he did get was plagued with screams and pain, voices, fire. Everything and nothing. 

He had jolted awake at two, and then again thirty minutes later. That cycle continued, just like every other night, until he miraculously got the urge to get up, body aching from the prior days work. His lack of nutrition and the cold probably didn't help much either. Nor did the strain from pushing himself harder than he should have. But there was a comfort in his sore muscles. They reminded him he was still alive. 

He would most likely do the same today, seeing as how his talk with Rey the previous night did nothing to quell his looping, racing, screaming thoughts. 

She didn't know that evening that she was in fact talking to one of her favorite authors. He was in no hurry to reveal the he was the infamous Kylo Ren. 

It had sunk deep into his bones the moment she said it. Those two words causing a tear in the life raft that was keeping him afloat in her presence. You would think that your average author would love to hear about how much a reader enjoyed their story... but not Ben. Not with her at least. Somehow he found himself regarding her opinion far to high than healthy— not that Ben didn't already regard everyone opinions far too much anyway. 

Her word were of complete enthusiasm, and yet his brain still found a way to turn everything she said against him. It was insane. He didn't even know how it was possible.   
It was a miracle she got called away. 

Going about his routine, Ben padded through his apartment. The productivity only lasted so long, mornings providing just enough oomph to keep him alive and functioning. He brushed his teeth, cleaned up his kitchen, and got dressed to go pound away what emotions he could in the cold December air. 

_And then I'll resort back to my miserable ways and get absolutely zero shit done._

Ben had reached his entryway and opened the door to exit his apartment, not bothering to lock it on the way out. Though as he turned toward the stairs he stumbled, fumbling around to try not to fall flat on his face. 

Someone pounded their hand into the wall from inside their apartment, telling him to be quiet. They probably thought he was some rambunctious teenager on their way to school.   
He turned around to find what it is he tripped on, only to see four books scattered across the walk way. 

_His_ books. 

And a note that landed by his feet. 

_Hey Ben! I again apologize for last night. I didn't think you had told me whether or not you had read Kylo Ren's novels, so I thought I'd bring them over just in case you hadn't. If you have, or if you don't want to read them, you can return them :)_  
Sorry for showing up out of the blue yesterday, and really every other time I've shown up, but thank you for your hospitality.   
Also, are you still open for helping me? It is totally fine if you're not, just let me know!  
Rey  
Ps. If you do read the books I hope you can stomach my annotations. 

He picked up his novels from where they were scattered and flipped open "The Grey's Divide".

Sure enough the pages were highlighted, and every so often there would be words scrawled in tiny loopy letters along the sides. Out of curiosity Ben flipped through more pages, sometimes stopping to read the little notes. 

A couple of pages were littered with sticky notes. 

He abruptly closed the book and strode back to his apartment. 

Ben did not work out that morning. Instead he did something that went completely against his brain. 

He read through all of her annotations. All seven novels worth.

Read them until his eyes hurt, stopping only to grab a few of Rey's cookies. 

It was the most productive he had been in a while. 

~

Ben was in awe. Complete and utter awe. 

It was four AM before he finally finished his books. Correction, Rey's notes in his books. Every available space was filled with her words, and to Ben they were even more meaningful than his own. She wrote about his characters, about their conflicts, their drives, and how it all affected the story and her own life. 

At times Ben felt as if he was invading her privacy by reading them, but then again she had loaned the books to him. And sure, she intended on him reading the novel instead of her scrawls in the margins, but he couldn't find it in himself to stop reading. 

One of his characters, Santer, appeared to be her favorite. She went on and on about him in her annotations. Things about his feeling of abandonment, his actions, his rage; even things as small as his mannerisms. It all got analyzed and written about by delicate hands in perfect scrawl. 

Ben was mesmerized by her opinion of his work, how so much thought went into it. 

He knew his books were popular, that was no new knowledge, but never did Ben hear this much positivity from a reader. His opinions were always negative. His life was always negative, Snoke's thoughts on h is story had never helped either, so to hear this much beautiful feedback from someone he had already regarded highly... well it made that tiny flicker of light in his chest grow. It made more of the darkness fade away. 

She made more of the darkness fade away. 

One of her annotations stuck out the most to him. 

_Santer fell to his knees before her, glancing up at the woman who held his life in her hands. He didn't care if she killed him. He deserved to die. The things he had done to her, to the world, they were unspeakable. His heart was infested with the parasite that was his mind. His soul. There was no saving the man who killed his father, no saving the man who brought destruction and death to everything he once loved._

_It was better, he thought. Better that he die by her hands than any other. He wouldn't be able to live with her hatred towards him. He couldn't. At least he could give her one thing.  
It was all he could offer his bondmate. His equal. _

_He wished he had been a different man. The one that she deserved._

_Layra pressed her dagger harder against his neck._

_He was glad her face would be the last thing he saw, and Santer hoped if the Gods granted him any wish they would let him dream of her in the afterlife. Her freckles, her eyes that burned like the flames he controlled, her scent._

_Santer stared up at her taking in one last breath of her. She still smelled of apples and cinnamon, fresh snow. She still smelled of home._

_He closed his eyes waiting for the cut that would be his undoing, but it never came._

_Instead the pressure of her dagger disappeared entirely and clattered to the cold marble floor._

_"Santer." She spoke his name. Not monster, not wretched snake, not killer, but his name._

_He opened his eyes and found her gazing down at him, slowly kneeling to him as tears fell from her eyes. He desperately wanted to wipe them away, to assure her it was okay. That it was better he die. She had always been so strong. Why couldn't she do it?_

_She was not down to his height and Layra did something he never would have expected. She took his face in her hands and brought their foreheads together. She sighed before slowly moving her and bringing her lips to the skin behind his ear, kissing the space that marked him as hers._

_"I'm sorry." It came out of his lips. A broken phrase, and one that would never set things right._

_"I know."_

_The whole thing was highlighted and in Rey's looping letters she wrote, Santer has been manipulated and tortured. He has been so alone all his life, that it only makes this more painful. He is unable to believe his worth even after helping them win the war. All he can see is pain because it is all he had ever known, and Layra whether knowledgeably or not, has given him the possibility of feeling something else. Of feeling love. Of feeling alive again, something he might not ever have felt in the first place._

_She pushes his character forward, and gives him the strength to do what must be done because she can see him. Truly him. And Kylo has set it up perfectly._

That section was something he struggled with. Snoke argued against it, saying he didn't prepare the plot, didn't give any clues. That love was unwanted when his main character was bad. He was meant to be bad, and this destroyed his character. 

He somehow got it published anyway, and left Snoke Publications shortly after. 

Ben was glad he did, because the rest of Rey's notes on it broke him, and he would have endured Snoke a million times more so she got the chance to read it.

~

Rey was done. No, she was beyond done. She honestly didn't think she would be able to handle much more. 

Wedding planning was great and all, if you removed Finn's stress on the situation— considering he was freaking out more than Rose— and the constant reminder that her best friend was getting married to her other best friend while she was still very much single.

Okay so maybe planning a wedding wasn't all that great. 

She had been sitting at Rose's tiny kitchen table flipping through millions of scattered wedding books trying to find out how they wanted to decorate tables when Paige walked in. Now, don't get her wrong, Rey loved Paige. Loved her like a sister. What she didn't love was the amount of questions the woman had. 

This time it had been about if she was taking anyone to the wedding.

And then when Rey gave a very vague answer, "I know someone really great, his name is Temmin but at the track we call him snap. Poe knows him too. You should meet."   
Nope. No. That drew the line. 

She had already gone on numerous blind dates with many, many of Poe's friends, Rey didn't think she could stand one more. Between John, Rylan, and Sarge (the latter the worst of all the men she had been set up with over the years) she could not, _would not_ , go on another date. 

In all honesty Rey just wanted some other way to relieve stress than baking. Her vibrator was on its last leg, and her very lovely neighbor had since started to become a main attraction in her dreams.

In all honesty it would have just been great if Ben could fuck her over a table, or on any surface really, Rey wasn't picky, but that was unfortunately not an option.   
_It was his damn abs. What normal person has a body like that?! Curse them. And his voice and his hair and just. Damn it!_

It must have been because he was on her mind, but Rey did the unthinkable. She told Paige she had someone she was seeing, and that she intended on taking him. It sounded straight out of the Layra/Santer fanfiction she read. 

Paige continued to hound her on details. "What did he look like? Did he smell good? Did he have any weird fetishes?" All to which Rey answered as best she could, considering this "boyfriend" didn't exist. Her descriptions may or may not have been based on a certain someone, but luckily before she could dig herself a bigger hole Rose shut Paige up with a slap to the arm when she asked if "he had a dick worthy of any awards".

And that's how Rey ended up back at Ben's door after another grueling session of wedding planning, strudel in hand, hoping he would help her. 

She hadn't gotten a response to the letter and books she sent, but then again the stack of Kylo's works didn't end up back on her doorstep so she assumed that was a good sign. 

She knocked. 

She waited for longer this time, even though her nerves told her to do otherwise, but after a minute with no answer Rey fled back to her flat. 

_Was I really going to do that? To ask that?! Maybe his absence is a sign._

She heard a knock at her door before she could think much else. Sure enough, once she got her unreasonably sticky lock open, Ben was staring back at her. 

He was holding all six of Kylo Ren's novels in his hands.

She was quick to invite him in. Next thing she knew his big frame was folded over her island, eating the strudel made for him, while Rey sat on her counter top nibbling at her own piece while they talked.

She liked the sight. Him, in her flat, eating food _she_ made. 

She most definitely wasn't thinking about an alternate universe where she was actually dating him.

She most definitely wasn't watching his tongue as it flicked over his fork. 

And she most definitely wasn't pondering all the things he could do with it. 

She went to go busy herself, hopping off the counter and taking her plate to the sink before Rey said or did something she might seriously regret.

"I hope you don't mind, but I read some of your annotations."

She stopped scrubbing her plate for a moment and looked up at him. 

_SHIT! What did I even write in there?!_

"Oh?" was her response instead.

"Yeah, I thought your analyzations on the characters were incredible. You seem to really like Santer." He said. Rey was immediately struck with a wave of relief.

"Well he gets too much hate from the fandom. I think its only fair that I love him as much as I do. You know... to make up for the lack of love from others."

Ben smiled in response. Rey regretted she wasn't still sitting down because she could feel her knees go weak. 

_How is he so adorable.._

She went back to scrubbing her plate with maybe a bit more vigor than needed. Ben finished his strudel and offered to wash his plate to which Rey refused. Partially because he was her guest but more because she still needed something to do. Especially if she was going to ask him what she had gone over to his house to say in the first place. 

"So since I haven't heard you say anything against it, I'm assuming you are still open to helping me?" Rey eventually said. 

"Yes."

"Okay... I have a favor to ask then. Will you be my pretend date to Rose's wedding? I know that's probably not what you were thinking when you agreed but its just one day, well probably more like three because of traveling and stuff and if you don't want to I understand completely, I just really don't want go to another wedding alone, again. I mean Poe's wedding was already a-"

"Yes I will go with you."

"Oh, well thank you."

"I had to repay you for the baked goods eventually." 

Rey couldn't help but think of all the other things he could do to repay her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agahhghhh I don't know what im doing...   
> The continuity of this fic is terrible, really, truly terrible.   
> So, I apologize...


	3. Carrot Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Look who actually stuck to her schedule and is uploading on Friday! Wow, okay well granted this is only the first official upload I've done and I'll probably run out of extra chapters to upload here soon but still. 
> 
> Here is a random fun little tid bit. So as I'm coding this and such whenever I do italics my brain makes a little *Eh hem* voice because the coding is, well I cant type it because it will code it but its em em essentially.

Ben's last few days were the best he had in months. After reading Rey's annotations he was immediately struck with a wave of inspiration. A wave of life. That was something he hadn't experienced in quite some time, living.

He had spent the last five days doing nothing but writing, and when he thought he was finally finished he was hit with a second wind and went straight back to it. Six chapters total, and some serious worldbuilding. Ben had almost all of his story planned, his idea flushed out, and his characters established before the following Tuesday. It was a bloody miracle. 

He had called several publishers on Wednesday, and surprisingly all of them went well. Then, on Thursday he met with two of them, and by Friday morning he had calls from both of them wanting to sign on for his next book. 

Ben felt as though he had been whiplashed back to reality. It was exhilarating, until his anxiety got the best of him.  
He had just gotten done officially signing on to Corellian Publications when he thought of her. Rey. 

She was basically the only reason he was a functioning human being right now. She was the reason he got the inspiration, and he did still have her books in his car. His books? It didn't matter. 

Ben made up his mind, yet again a very uncommon thing, and went to her apartment. 

She opened the door very shortly after he knocked, brown tresses falling in her eyes. Ben suddenly got the urge to tuck them behind her ear. 

It's so bright. That was the first thought he had when he walked into her apartment. All sorts of greenery sat around her apartment. Tiny succulents were scattered on a white bookshelf along the far wall. Knick-knacks were on her end tables, and a bright yellow couch sat in the living room. It was cluttered and yet... Ben felt more comfortable here than in his own home. It was the embodiment of everything she loved, told her story, and Ben soon found that yellow became his favorite color. 

He was comfortable, surprisingly, her radiating warmth seeping into him better than the heat of a shower. 

Until she asked him that question.

Ben agreed without hesitation, his conscious taken over by this sudden urge to do anything and everything to make her happy. 

It wasn't that Ben didn't want to help her. He wanted to help her in any way she asked. It was that he knew that he would fuck it all up somehow and have no hopes of becoming friends with the woman in front of him, much less stay friends with her. Ben liked what they had, and clearly, she was a good person to have around considering he now is writing his book, and has slowly diminished his "unable to move or do anything" moods. Ben would also take any sort of time he could get with her, finding that he had started to hope she'd stop by every day. 

So he agreed. Without thinking he agreed, and now here he is trying to figure out how he is going to keep his calm around her. 

That proved to be increasingly more difficult. 

It was Sunday, which meant Ben needed to head over to Rey's apartment.

They had agreed on spending two nights out of every week getting to know each other further so if they received any interesting questions about the other they wouldn't be scrambling for answers. 

"This has to work. We have to play this off well. I can't stand another blind date. I really can't" She had said during their first visit. "I feel like this is straight out of the proposal, except we're not getting married, and you’re not meeting my parents." 

He had given her an incredulous look and she had burst into the "You haven't seen it?!" squeal. 

They had watched it the following evening, sharing a blanket and a container of oatmeal raisin cookies. 

Ben enjoyed the movie, but enjoyed Rey's laughter at it more. 

Her face lit up when she smiled. Her nose crinkled and Ben felt his heart beat to the rapid pace of his thoughts. It was too adorable.

The next day Ben found he had the perfect characteristics for one of his love interests. 

Sure, Kira might have been the exact physical description of his neighbor but no one would know but him. 

This Sunday he couldn't stop staring at her freckles as she spoke. 

"Favorite color?" She had asked him as she hopped onto her island.

"Yellow." 

"Really? Wow, I took you as more of a black guy, or maybe a grey, but not yellow."

"Hmm well it recently changed." 

"Mine too! I guess we might have switched. Mine used to be yellow, but changed to grey this last year." She said biting into her spaghetti. She asked if she could come over earlier today since they spend last visit watching the movie. 

"Is there a reason it changed?" 

"You want my honest answer?" 

"That's the point of this isn't it?" Ben deadpanned.

"Okay okay, you're going to think I'm one of those fandom obsessed girls, but I believe it changed because of Kylo Ren's series. It's just his whole concept of grey and balance, and what it means in the story as a whole. The arcs, the characters, everything. I think that's why."

Ben couldn't respond, his brain short circuiting at the praise. 

He'd have to tell her.

Eventually. 

But for the time being it was nice just to learn about her, learn everything about her, and see her smile. 

~

"Wait what?! You're telling me that someone tried to kill tiny two year old you?" Rey was utterly shocked by this knowledge. One of many tidbits about Ben that did so over the fast few visits. He had finally started opening up around her, and It only made her growing attraction to him stronger. Luckily she had been able to tone down her "Please fuck me" thoughts, but needless to say it was still a challenge.

"A nanny, yes." He replied. She couldn't figure out how he could be so calm about it. Someone had tried to kill him! 

Rey responded with just that. 

"He had some serious issues, but he is fine now. My parents paid for his meds and care and he got the help he needed. They got another nanny until I turned five, then they sent me to home school with my uncle. I graduated early, went to college, and now I'm here."

"They got another nanny after that?!" Rey said as she spun around on the couch to better face him, crossing her legs up underneath her.

"Yeah. My father did... unconventional work so he was always moving. Though he did train a college group of jockeys for a while, I wanted to be a jockey as a kid but as you can see," Ben motioned to his very impressive 'sculpted out of marble' body, "I am too big. I did get to ride Falcon a few times though... My mom was a politician, and well that explains that."

Rey didn't know what to do with all this information, but yet still found herself wanting, craving, more.

"What was Falcon like?" She found herself asking. 

"My father actually won her in a card game with his friend. She was a gorgeous grey mare, and when Lando had her she won her lot in races. Then my dad got her. Now my dad was no Jockey but he did know his way around a horse, something I can compliment him on. I think I rode her the first time at five. Right before I went off to Luke." Ben paused for a moment and Rey could sense the depth in that history, something that she felt wasn't quite healed. He continued. "Han had her on a lunge line. We just went around in circles and I begged him to let me go faster. That is one of my better memories." 

Ben stood up as he spoke and went to his kitchen. He had insisted making something for her, and Rey obliged. They had settled on spaghetti. The two chatted a bit more while he cooked, and then he asked the inevitable. 

"So, I've told you a bit about my family. I feel like I should know a bit about yours in order to play our cards right." 

"I don't have a family." 

There. She said it, now she just waited for the questions. Rey knew this would be brought up eventually, but she it could have waited a little longer.  
The questions never came. Instead Ben said, "Yeah you do." It had been the opposite of what she was expecting. Somehow filled with an understanding she had never felt before.  
"Paige and Poe seem like quite the characters, and from what I've heard Finn and Rose are really close to you." He continued. 

It took her a minute to respond. 

"Yeah, yeah. They are great. I met Finn and Rose in college. They were really my first friends, seeing as how foster care didn't really give me the opportunity for any of that. They introduced me to Paige and Poe, and we've just stayed close."

Ben just "hmm'd" in response and somehow that was enough. 

"Oiy!" Rey exclaimed as he set down a plate in front of her. "Fact about me that you might want to know. Spaghetti is my comfort food."

"I'll write that down." Ben said, smiling as he took a bite of his food. 

Rey did the same, and suddenly spaghetti turned into something more. 

First off, it was the best spaghetti Rey had ever tasted. Granted, she might be a little biased considering the man could make burned eggs with rotten tomatoes and she'd probably eat it, but still. 

Secondly, this meal was becoming a date. 

One could argue that all these times they had talked had been dates, sure, but something about this made it different. Rey tried to shut the thought down before it could fully develop. 

"What's yours?" She asked instead. 

"Carrot cake."

"I made you that once didn't I?" Rey faked nonchalance. 

She knew she made him carrot cake. It was the first thing she ever gave him. She would remember that forever. It was after she had gone on yet another date with one of Poe's friends. After a failed evening where she had to tend to her own needs yet again she finally decided she was done. Fully content to die alone, Rey did the only thing she was ever good at. Baking. She had battled with herself for an hour before finally deciding upon sharing her cake with another. The second he opened his door with his body and his hair ruffled just right, she lost it. 

Rey definitely wasn't content to die alone, and the second he spoke she knew that. 

It took weeks for Rey to get him out of her head, and she had done many things with the memory of him that probably didn't help her situation. 

Which only led to more baking. 

Which led her right back to him. 

And now here she was. 

He answered the question she had long since forgotten. 

"Yes." 

"Oh fuck me." She said, suddenly overwhelmed by just exactly the situation she got herself into, and overwhelmed by _him._

~

Ben thought he heard her wrong. Surely, surely, this girl that somehow has invaded his mind for the past few weeks didn't mean what she said.  
_It's a phrase Solo, just a phrase._

But that didn't stop his imagination. He was a writer after all. 

"Come again?" He said, realizing too late just exactly what _those_ words could mean. Speaking never really was his strong suit, it was a wonder Ben could write anything at all, and now he really didn't know what to say. Rendered speechless yet again by the marvelous woman before him, who was now turning towards him. 

Ben also realized too late that in his confusion of Rey's statement he had leaned in closer to her, folding over the counter just so that as she turned around she brushed up against him. 

_Fuck._

His body was betraying him, spurred by her touch and the fantasies his brain was now playing on a loop. Her knee was now resting on his inner thigh as she spun around on her bar-stool. 

Close. So dangerously close. 

Ben moved to go sit down on the adjacent stool, hoping against hope she wouldn't recognize how he was progressively getting harder. 

"Hmm?" She questioned under long lashes. There was a blush forming across her cheeks that he now was focusing on, his brain hyper-aware to all of her. 

Right. He had asked her something. 

"I didn't catch what you had said." 

"Oh! Um, I was just reminding myself that I'd have to make more sometime." She responded.

"Ah." That is most definitely _not_ what she said. 

"And you will have to make me more spaghetti. We can have a comfort food day and spend it watching all our favorite movies." Changing the subject it is then. Ben was slightly glad for the distraction, but another part of him— one that hadn't appeared in years— didn't want her blush to fade. He liked her flustered nose scrunch, and the way she tried not to make eye contact. 

Maybe that's why he said, "Sounds awful lot like a date."

"Well that's what were doing isn't it? _Dating._ " Rey put finger quotations around the last word, and added a blink just to you know, kill his heart more. 

_Right. This is all fake. ___

__The problem was, it didn't feel fake. At least not to him. They had been hanging out consistently for two weeks, and the past few days Rey even came over during unscheduled visits. She would vent about her day sprawled out on his couch._ _

___Wasn't that what couples did._ _ _

__Granted, Ben didn't have a whole lot of experience of what exactly a healthy relationship looked like, seeing as how his parents set a terrible example, but he felt something.  
He realized Rey didn't feel it too. _ _

__~~~_ _

__The rest of the evening had gone smoothly, if you take out Ben's internal thoughts screaming at him._ _

__Ben was wondering how exactly he was going to brush off this newfound feeling in his chest._ _

__Like now. That same feeling what wiggling around in his chest, making his heart beat violently._ _

___At least I'll be able to play my part well._ He thought. _ _

__There would be no questioning his attracting towards her, but Rey well. Ben knew she'd pull it off, but he would be left alone yet again after their little _  
arrangement__ _

__was over. He wasn't ready for the visits to stop. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to her smile that lit up her face. Or her freckles, those gods damned freckles._ _

__Fuck. He was screwed._ _

__He lay in his bed silently pondering over just what exactly he would do after this. His breathing filled up the space. Looking over at his clock he wondered what Rey was doing then. She was behind their shared bedroom wall, no doubt sleeping as soundly as can be. It was unlikely she was thinking about him as he was her._ _

__Ben instead decided to get up and write, deciding he better busy himself before the overwhelming depression sets in._ _

__That was something else that would suck once this ended._ _

__He would more likely than not go back to his old ways._ _

__The good thing about Rey, among so many others, was that her presence didn't allow him to fade away into the dark of evening. It didn't allow him to cycle through life without purpose. She gave him that need, that desire, to keep going, and Ben didn't want it gone._ _

__He sat down on his kitchen counter and got to work, deciding on exactly what his new character—kira— meant to his main character._ _

__What Rey meant to him._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe well I just wanted to thank you all for sticking around for this steaming pile of trash that is my fic. I'm so surprised and thankful for all the feedback I've gotten from this. I can't believe people actually like this, so thank you. Love you all!


	4. Ukulele's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who did a stupid and posted the same chapter twice? 
> 
> It was me... shocker. 
> 
> Should be fixed now :)
> 
> anywho, to any of you who read the chapter notes for this chapter before I reposted the one I intended to post, stop reading now. Its all going to be the same. If you didn't, then here is what my original notes were.
> 
> I am so so so sorry for my absence. I went on a couple of trips which ate up my time. And I am a master procrastinator.  
> Mostly I'm a master procrastinator.  
> But horse shows also ate into my time a little too. 
> 
> Anywho, here it is for any of you who stuck around

_Shit._

That was the only word running through Ben's brain for the past hour, and now it intensified to an internal scream as Rey opened her door.

It was the first night that they were putting their arrangement to the test. Rose had invited Rey to dinner with her friends after wrapping up the majority of the wedding planning. Rey had said that Finn had finally found his brain, and wasn't as worried about they occasion the night before when she also brought the news that Paige had invited him along as well. 

He may or may not have forgotten how to breathe as she walked out of her apartment. She was clad in a low cut, red dress, perfectly formed to her gentle curves. 

He glanced at her lips, trying very hard not to think about what they would feel like paired with his own, the red gloss she was wearing smudging by heated kisses. 

Nope, he was definitely not thinking about that, or anything else for that matter.

Her hair fell perfectly around her face, framing it and only causing his brain more distress. 

She was beautiful. Completely and utterly beautiful. 

He tried to snap out of it as she turned around from locking her door. Tried and failed. Her eyes were now trained on him, which didn't help his situation at all. 

"Okay so the plan for tonight," she said turning to walk down the complex's hall. "I would say just try to act like a normal boyfriend, you have better knowledge on that than I do I'm sure. If all else fails though I'd say just follow my lead." 

"Okay." 

On the bright side, Ben wouldn't have to deny his attraction to her that evening. 

"Let me order an Uber. Unfortunately the restaurant Rose picked is across town, and I don't have a car yet." 

"I'll drive." Ben found himself responding. He had a vehicle and wasn't intending to get drunk— lord knows what he'd be like then. 

Rey peered up at him with her wondrous eyes as they reached the elevator, only responding with a 'great'. Somehow that one word was still enough to kill him. She could do anything and it would kill him. 

~

 

Ben was completely unprepared. He didn't know enough about her to pull this off, he didn't know what boundaries he could cross, he didn't know her friends. 

The list was endless. 

He tried to stop himself before he spiraled. And yet again he failed. 

A reoccurring theme it seemed.

Rey was sitting in the passenger seat, humming along to a song he had never heard. Ben had given her free reign of the radio and Rey did exactly what he expected her to do. Exactly what he would never have the guts to do. She tuned it to her favorite station and got comfortable. 

Her casual nature amazed him. Such simple mundane things, like playing her music, left him in awe. They were things he couldn't do. The simplest things that made people human he couldn't accomplish, so how in the hell was he going to pull this off. 

It was a problem of his, among many others. This need to always feel in control. To analyze ever aspect and portion of a problem and understand it. That was his coping mechanism, it was what kept him sane, and Rey spun him around like you would a kid right before they hit a pinata. And now he was so disoriented he couldn't get the candy if he tried. 

It was great, this feeling. Great in the sense that she kept him on his toes. Made him feel alive again, less stoic. But then again, his brain still wasn't okay. Probably never would be okay, and that was harmful. 

It made him a contradiction. His feelings were all contradictions. 

The downtown traffic luckily provided some relief, forcing him to focus on the road instead of his thoughts. 

They would be there soon. Bed was debating asking Rey a couple of his questions on the subject of just what exactly she expected, but instead opted to remain quiet, not wanting to disturb this tiny tightrope they were walking on by sharing his insecurities. He listened to her sing, her gentle tones warming the car in music. 

"This will work," she said once the song ended. It didn't sound like she was reassuring him as much as herself. Ben wanted to take her hand in his own— the hand that rested so close to his own— and comfort her in any which way he could. Tell her it would be great, they'd have a great time, and everything would work out. 

He just gave a little 'hmm' instead. 

"You know, when I was younger I wanted to be an actress," she continued. Ben just focused on the road, letting her elaborate on her own. "I thought it would be great, getting to become whoever you wanted, learn more about people, why they did what they did. Figuring out the characters." 

"Why didn't you?" He asked, now curious. 

"I don't know, never thought I'd be good enough I guess. I didn't even try." 

"Well we can put it to the test." 

She smiled, small and hesitant before looking out her window. 

Ben went back to his persistent thoughts, suddenly wishing he had taken an acting lesson when he was younger.

~~

They walked into Kanata's a quarter past six, the glow of the lights illuminating Rey in a bright orange glow. She shone like sunshine, the light that somehow found a way to warm his soul. Ben realized as they stood there at the front of the restaurant how completely and utterly fucked he was. 

_Here goes nothing._

Rey led him to the table where the rest of her friends waited, her hand encasing his own. He assumed it was Rose that was waving enthusiastically to them, broad welcoming smile on display. 

"Hey guys!" Rey said, her voice litting to the usual charm he experienced when she talked about her friends. 

"Ben, this is Finn, his fiancee Rose, Poe, and Paige." Rose's sister smiled, well no, more like smirked up at them from her seat at the table. 

_Ah so there is the one responsible for Rey's proposition._

"Guys, this is Ben," She finished. 

"Ah, so this is the boyfriend we've heard so much about. Specifically, oh what was it Rey?" She slapped Poe on the arm who was now grinning beyond belief. "That the man who stole your heart was tall, dark and handsome, and I quote 'was broad enough to climb like a tree'."

Ben looked over at his 'girlfriend' who now had turned an adorable shade of pink. A shade that Ben had a newfound love for. 

"Oh really?" Ben inquired, sliding an arm around her. "And is that all she said?" 

Paige cut in next, glancing over at her friend who now leaned lazily into his touch, something Ben tried hard not to think much about. Just how warm she was. Her freckled shoulders bare to the world, and so close. He got the sudden urge to kiss them and the freckles that lay like stars on her skin. 

"Oh no! We also got the spill on just how amazing yo—" Rey clamped her hand over Paige's mouth whispering violently. 

Ben chuckled as they sat down, Rey sliding into the booth next to him. 

~~~ ~~~

Rey felt amazing. Beyond amazing actually. 

It was amazing just how much her brain could fool her. 

There had been numerous times she had fallen into the easiness and comfort that was Ben. Numerous times that she found herself forgetting just what they had agreed upon. How he was only doing this, acting like this, to play the part of her boyfriend. 

It may or may prompted her to drink a _little ]_ more than intended, which now may or may not be a problem. 

"You are amazing." She mutters to him as he starts the drive home, watching the muscles in his arm move as he turns the steering wheel. Its so strange, she thinks, that she has become so attracted to this man that even the most mundane of tasks make it harder for her to breathe. 

"Hmm?" 

"You are everything I could have asked for, and your hair is..." She closes her eyes imaging just how it felt underneath her fingers that night. She had marveled at its softness, at how thick it was. Rey also may or may not have taken advantage of their date acting and used it as an excuse to run her fingers thorough it multiple times that night, the number increasing with every drink she had. 

It got much harder to keep her thoughts inside. 

Rey tried to sleep instead, hoping the car ride back could remain professional to some degree.

She was roused by strong arms and the scent of cinnamon. Her sleep and liquor muffled brain didn't have the energy to protest as he hoisted her up and carried her back to her apartment. 

"Sweetheart, do you have your key?" He asked as he gently set her down, a large hand tucking her hair behind her ear. 

Rey hummed staring up at him before dazily rummaging through her purse. 

She finally found her keys and opened the door. Ben helped her inside, undoing her bed and taking her purse from her before grabbing a glass of water and forcing her to drink it. 

"Thank you,"Rey said. She hoped he knew it wasn't just about the water. 

He left with a lazy touch to the small of her back and a smile. 

Rey drempt of strong arms and dark eyes. Of murmured words and twining limbs.

~~

Ben had no clue what exactly happened. What _was_ happening.

Rey was... well Rey. He knew exactly how he was going to feel out of this "date" they had with her friends, so really he shouldn't be surprised. He knew he had fallen... hard. Ben had known that ever since she came over with that first carrot cake, with that smile that lit up her face and those damn freckles.

What he wasn't expecting though was what happened later that evening.

Rey had said things he wasn't expecting. And sure, it was probably just the liquor talking, but that didn't mean it made his life just _that_ much harder.

Now his thoughts were practically consumed by her, his dreams filled with her that red dress and undoing him by running her fingers through his hair.

He felt like shit for it, but Ben— for once in his life— looked forward to falling asleep if it meant he could experience what he knew he would never have.

He had no clue how he would keep his composure on their trip for Rose's wedding.

Ben was trying very hard not to freak out about it.

Rey had suddenly become his rock, the only thing keeping him on the edge of the light, restricting him from plunging back into the sea of darkness he was drowning in. Her sunshine lighting him up like no other.

Not to mention she was the reason he finally could write again.

It truly was amazing how much she meant to him.

It also scared him shitless because of what that meant when he inevitably fucked all this up.

She didn't want a relationship. Rey had made that very clear. The only problem was that with every passing day he found himself wishing for one, for the security of knowing that he belonged to someone.

Ben had never belonged, to anyone or to any place.

He was having a battling match with his punching bag, trying, and as usual failing, not to think about her or the way she leaned up against him in the car, snoozing on the ride home and snoring lightly. Or how she felt tucked away in his arms as he carried her up the stairs.

It was really too much for him to handle, so Ben did what he does best and beat the ever living crap out of something.

He was always great at destroying things anyway.

Ben didn't know what he was doing and two weeks later he still didn't know what he was doing. What he did know was the more time he spent with Rey, the more real his feelings became.

Feelings she clearly didn't have.

~~~~~~

The road was lit with only the fading light of the sun. The streetlights hadn't clicked on yet, as Ben and Rey walked down the chilly city streets. Supposedly spring was coming, but it appears the weather had other ideas.

This walk had become yet another action that fell into the 'things Ben does with Rey' agenda. An agenda mind you, that Ben would be more than glad to expand on.

"I took piano lessons once when I was six," Rey said as she kicked a pebble on the road and sent it careening along the side walk. "One of the better foster homes I stayed in tried to get all their kids involved in the musical arts. I failed at piano quite miserably, I'm pretty sure that disappointed them."

Ben didn't know how to respond. Many times their conversations would include things about her past in foster care. She brushed off all her issues with such a nonchalance that Ben never knew how to react.

"I played the ukulele throughout gradeschool. My grandfather taught me. It was the only instrument I ever played though. I got into writing later and calligraphy."

"You and a ukulele huh?" Rey responded.

"What?"

"I'm just trying to imagine you with a ukulele. What color was it?"

"Black, of course." Ben replied, amused at her amusement in his childhood life.

"I want to see a picture of this!"

"Well if you meet my mom I'm sure she would show them all to you."

She smiled in response.

"Tell me more about your family. What things were like when you were younger. I feel like I've been drilling you for ages about me and I am still so incredibly in the dark about you." She said leaning over on his shoulder and peering up at him .

Ben wished he could kiss her.

"Well we used to have this dog named Chewie. I swear my dad loved him more than he could ever love me. That dog went everywhere with him. Supposedly saved his life or something." Ben said, trying not to get caught in the memory.

They turned to head back to their apartment.

The memory of his father turned Ben's brain to mush, sending the wrong signals to his head. He quickly changed the subject, luckily becoming engrossed in the new topic fairly quickly.

"Three days." Rey said as they finally climbed up to their floor. "Do you think were prepared?"

"I think so."

Ben knew he was ready. He would never be able to forget a single detail about Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hadn't exactly planned this fic out when I first wrote it. It was more of a go-with-the-flow, writing-for-fun type fanfic so that is one of the reasons why the author cannot seem to find character continuity to save her life.  
> I've got a new one in the works that I am actually planning *gasps* so maybe that'll be up soon. 
> 
> I'm not even going to try to stick to my schedule for updating because I am 99% I will disappoint, but I do hope to update sooner. Especially since the fic is complete. 
> 
> To anyone who actually waited this long. Thank you so much. I can't fathom why anyone would stick around to read this so thank you!


	5. Waffles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Looked who updated within the week. I am honestly very shocked. 
> 
> Are we ready for our bed sharing clicheness? You better be because your getting it! 
> 
> Best of luck to all of those still reading this!

The plane jostled lightly, but the movement was enough to wake the sleeping Rey who had fallen victim of plane white noise and an evening of no sleep. She jolted before realizing a heavy weight weighed on her shoulders. She shifted her head slightly and there was Ben. Complete and utter Ben. 

His arm was wrapped around her shoulders as he leaned over her, his head resting on the top of hers. 

She couldn't help but breathe him in. He smelled rich and warm. Inviting in a way Rey had never known. 

He smelled of home. 

Well that's new...

Rey didn't fully understand why exactly she was just sitting there, beside the fact that she was stranded underneath the literal man of her dreams, and he smelled good, and though she should probably wake him up or not pay attention to just how great it felt to be held— sort of— by him she couldn't. It was too perfect. 

So instead, Rey leaned back into his touch and tried to catch some sleep for the remaining hours of the flight. 

~~~

Rose and Finn had flown in with them. As they headed to get a rental car Rose walked next to Rey, a gitty gate that clearly displayed her excitement. 

"I'm getting married!" She said, somehow still squealing through whispered words. 

"You don't say?" Rey added, tone lilted in sarcasm. Rose slapped her arm in response. "I'm just kidding. I am really happy for you." 

"Me too." Rose said, looping her through Rey's as they watched their respective pairs go up to the rental counter. She was trying very hard no to stare at his backside, or just how great he looked in those pants. 

"Huh?" She responded. 

"You and Ben. I can tell that man is head over heels for you. I'm proud you finally found someone that really cares about you."

"Oh... yeah. Thanks." Rey said, not fully believing her words.

Ben liked her enough to tolerate her. I mean she was ninety percent sure he was primarily in it for her lifetime supply of baked goods. She was glad he was pulling off his part though, the real test would be Poe and Paige. 

It didn't matter that Rey really wished he would fuck her until she forgot how to articulate words, or to breathe. To remember how to live. 

No.. that didn't matter. 

"Nuh uh, don't do that." 

"Do what?"

"The whole, 'oh I'm not convinced that anyone loves me' thing." Rose quipped, clearly fed up with Rey's riduclousness.

"I'm not doing 'that thing'," Rey said hoping her use of air quotations would hide that she was in fact doing 'the thing'. 

"You can't see what he looks like when you're not looking, so there for you have no power to tell me I'm wrong." 

Except, Rey did have the power to tell her, because Rose didn't know that all of this was fake. That Ben had never showed any interest, and that Rey had screwed herself over in her reiteration that this was all pretend. 

Rey only gave Rose a look in response. 

"Rey, honey. He gives you fuck me eyes like twenty-four seven. And when he isn't lusting over you, he looks like he is about to fall apart from your adorableness."

Luckily before Rey could respond the man of the conversation walked over, lumbering like a freaking lumberjack with his massive arms and massive gate. 

His massive everything really. 

"I got us a car. You ready to go sweetheart."

Rose peaked out from behind him, leaning not so inconspicuous to mouth silently "see he even has a pet name for you, and it’s adorable". She even completed her over exaggeration with hand fanning, as if it was too cute she would pass out. 

She restrained herself from rolling her eyes. 

~~~

"Hi, were here to check in for our room." They had finally made it to the hotel after what felt like forever. It actually hadn't taken them that long to get their bags, but Rose's insistent nagging made it feel like years.

"Yes. May I get your name?" 

"Rey." 

"Ah, yes I have you down for a king suite." 

"Um no. We should have two queens." She had thought Rose had put them down for a two bed room. 

"Sorry, but when you bought the room you were down for a single bed. I can change it if you'd like, but you will be charged differently." 

Shit. SHIT. 

"That's okay, we'll just take this one." 

"Okay, here is your room key." 

"Thank you." 

She turned around, trying to figure out how she would break the news to Ben. 

He already had their bags in hand, a large leather duffle slug over his very broad, and still very distracting, shoulders. In his one hand he held his suit— which didn't touch the ground due to his impressive height— and in his other Rey's roller bag. 

Again with the mundane tasks that somehow were enough to almost bring her to her knees. Almost. 

"So um... bad news." 

He quirked an eyebrow. 

"We will have to share a bed." She waited for his response, hoping against hope that he wouldn't hate her.

"Okay. We'll figure it out." 

Huh.. Well that was unexpected. 

"I am so so sorry. I know that it sucks but I didn't want to change it because Rose and Finn paid for it but if we switched it would charge them differently and then they would know and i feel like they would expect things and... yeah. Sorry. I rambled." Rey was getting progressively more nervous, as if the realization was now truly hitting her. 

Something in his expression shifted. 

"It's okay." Ben said before he made his way to the elevators.

~~~

At least the room was nice? Rey thought as she walked in, promptly setting her bad on the adjacent chair in the hall. 

She had absolutely no clue how they were going to deal with this... predicament. Ben was clearly not happy about this outcome, and Rey, well... she didn't know how she felt. 

Ben silently walked in, placing his duffel bag in the closet before walking to the bathroom and turning to her. His large form filled the doorway of the bathroom as he leaned over the doorframe, both hands propped up on either side. 

She was not looking at the muscles that were just about bursting out of his shirt. 

Again with the arms. Why the arms. 

Pshhh probably because you are more than glad to envision them picking you up and pinning you against a wall, while giving you the best fucking you've had in your pathetic life.

Rey pulled herself together as best she could before he spoke, going full Edna Mode with her best 'pull yourself together' speech.

And to think, somehow she'd have to sleep next to him without losing her everloving mind.

"Do you mind if I shower first?" He asked, still leaning deliciously over that damn doorframe. 

It took her a minute to respond and Rey wondered if he had any such clue as to what exactly he was doing to her. 

"Yeah, go ahead." 

~~~

She didn't think men took such long showers. I mean obviously, Rey knew that they could pamper themselves just as much as women, and that everyone appreciates a nice, long, hot shower, but it felt like forever. In all actuality, It may have only been five minutes. Rey couldn't exactly tell when she was trying really hard not to think about who exactly was showering, or the fact that is naked barely five feet away from her, if you took away the wall. 

Ben walked out later with only a towel wrapped around his waist and Rey died. She had seen him shirtless once before. No, scratch that, twice. During one of their evenings, he had taken off his shirt when she had gotten the cut on her arm from falling and landing on her wrought iron kitchen shelves she bought at a second-hand store. 

But he wasn't damp with leftover shower water, nor was his hair an adorable mop on his head. That was also before she caught... are these feelings? for him. 

He also had on pants. 

Yeah, that made a significant difference. 

"The floor," Ben said. Rey had gotten a little too distracted as he retrieved his duffel and started rummaging through it for clothes. 

"Pardon?" She replied, trying to draw her eyes away from that.

"I said we can call down to the front desk for extra blankets and I can take the floor." 

"No." 

That is a good plan, why are you turning it down?!

Rey continued, trying got catch up with her brain. "If anyone is to take the floor, it'll be me. I'm the one who refused to change rooms." 

"And your neck?" He inquired.

Shit. She had forgotten she told him about that, a sixth-grade injury that had her in a neck brace for half a year.

"Then no one sleeps on the floor. I really don't mind sharing a bed. I mean its big enough for the both of us." 

Was it? I mean you're basically talking to the embodiment of a brick wall. 

He gave out a small puff of air before speaking. "Okay." 

~~~

He hadn't jerked off in the shower to the idea of her. 

He hadn't. 

And he most definitely didn't come with a rag in his mouth to stop him from moaning her name. 

Nope, he didn't do that either. 

Definitely not. 

And now as he lay beside her—their wall of pillows doing nothing to block out her scent or the little puffs of air she releases when she dreams— he wasn't thinking about what she would taste like. What she would feel like underneath him, around him. Soft and supple for him. 

There was a reason he wanted to sleep on the floor. 

Because this was infinitely worse than a sore back. Well, no a sore back would be better if he obtained it in the way he was dreaming of. 

She was doing nothing and yet she was driving him crazy. He could barely function in the elevator on the way up, trying to distract his mind from all the things he wanted.

He thought the release would have helped, and Ben supposed it did until she waltzed right out of the bathroom in a towel just barely large enough to cover her lithe body. He couldn't say anything, seeing as how he had done the same, instead left to suffer as she took her sweet time getting her stuff. Even having the audacity to bend over just slightly and give him a glimpse of the assets he wanted to spend his sweet time with. 

God, who am I?

This feeling, this desire, was new. Not new in the sense that he had never fucked anyone before or fantasized, but new in the case of possession. 

He wanted all of her. Every freckle, every scar, every word. 

And it was something he could never have. 

Not just because she clearly didn't want him, but also because he was incapable of being loved. His mind was a monster that controlled him, too broken to give a partner what they needed. He was permanently damaged and had accepted the repercussions of that when he chose to leave Snoke, until Rey walked into his life.. 

He thought he would be fine alone. Being alone, being torn apart... it was a constant. That constant turned into a comfort. And Ben was perfectly content with letting his soul fall deeper and deeper into that pit of darkness. 

But Rey showed him the light, and now he craved it.

She turned over and grabbed across the pillow wall. 

Next thing he knew she was snuggling his arm like a child with a teddy bear and Ben realized how truly fucked he was as his body responded against his will.

~~~

Rey woke up to find all the protector pillows either on the floor or so pushed down the bed that they didn't really help. 

She also woke up snuggled right up against the literal man of her dreams. Her chin was nestled into his muscled chest and she was snuggling his arm. She must have barnacled onto the poor man last night. Rey should've warned him she had a tendency to do that sometimes

Ben just lay there as Rey tried to come up with an escape plan. Don't get her wrong, if it was up to her monkey brain she would've stayed there for hours, but luckily her rational side won this morning— a miracle considering she was still in her morning tired state— and she shifted slightly trying to ease her way off of him. 

It turned out to be a mistake. 

Ben draped his not trapped arm around her and drug her closer, enveloping her in warmth while muttering something that sounded suspiciously like her name. 

It soon became very difficult not to notice the hard on that was pressing up against her stomach. 

It also became very difficult not noticing just exactly how big he was. 

Nope, not thinking about that.

Rey squirmed lightly, hoping to get out of this situation before she did something stupid, all while trying not to think at all period. 

She knew the second he woke up because he launched sideways creating as much distance between them as possible without falling off the bed. 

See Rey, he's revolted. No need to get your brain going over something that isn't true.

"Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to– I don't know. I just– ah fuck." He was stumbling over his words as he sat up, running his hand through his hair. 

"Ben, it's okay." 

He sighed long and hard before he said, "I didn't do anything did I?" 

"What? Oh no, no! It's my fault anyway. I have a habit of snuggling with whatever is closest and warmest anyway. I should have warned you." It was a rushed response. Not one of Rey's finest but it would do. There wasn't much else she could think to say without making things more awkward.

Ben glanced over at the clock. 

"We better get up, wouldn't want to miss complimentary breakfast."

Changing the subject. Good plan. 

"Yeah. Do you want to use the bathroom first?" Rey asked trying to assist in the conversation distraction. 

"You can go." 

"Okay." 

Rey got out of bed and fumbled into the bathroom, now blatantly aware of just how short her night shorts were. Luckily, she remembered to grab her day clothes before she undressed. 

The whole situation was going from bad to worse, and yet... Rey didn't want it to change. She would take whatever pretend love and affection from Solo and try not to make a fool of herself in the process. 

She splashed water on her face to calm her nerves. 

What is this? Are you in some sort of drama movie now?

There was no telling what the rest of the day would hold.

~

If she kept touching his ears he was going to lose it. This was a new thing he guessed she decided to try that day, much to his pleasure yet also much to his detriment. 

Whenever they sat close to each other, or stood next to each other, or honestly were close enough for her to touch him it happened. And it was a problem. 

Right now as they sat eating their breakfast— Rey greedily munching at a waffle as large as her head— she kept leaning into him. The only booth in the dining area might not have been the best option now, all things considered. 

Rose and Finn had quickly chatted with them while Rey was loading up her first plate of food before departing to eat with Poe and his new addition to the friend group, Zay. 

Thus, leaving them alone yet not alone. Rey had mumbled lightly as she shoved another forkful of waffle into her mouth something about maintaining the facade. Ben wasn't quite sure what exact words she used considering his brains primary function as of then was to not say or do anything ridiculous or involuntary. 

He was, however, able to understand that Rey wished that she didn't have to pretend to like him. The phrase "I don't like this any more than you do" was brought up once or twice in their whispered morning conversation and Ben could only think about how much he actually did like this. Or of how much more he would like it if it was actually real. 

Rey had finally finished with her monstrosity of a breakfast— Ben had finished much earlier considering his meal consisted of a muffin, some eggs, and a coffee— and had her head nestled under his chin and her arms wrapped around his waist. He could smell her shampoo, some sort of fruity mixture that he loved for some reason. 

"I'm stuffed." 

"I am not surprised," Ben breathed onto her hair. He had a sudden urge to kiss the top of her head. Luckily Ben at least had some semblance of control on his motor functions today and stopped the thought before he was doomed to its wishes. 

He figured that although he was pretending to be her boyfriend, the act was too endearing. To real. 

She looked up at him with a grin on her face before reaching up and stroking his earlobe.

"It was worth it though." 

"I'm sure," he responded trying not to look like a damned fool in public because of a few very tender ear touches. 

Rose passed by their table before whistling.

"You two are so adorable I think I'm going to puke," she said as she plopped down on the other side of the booth. 

"Is there a reason you abandoned your post at 'Fort Heart Eyes'?" Rey said as she nudged her head at the table where Poe was currently sitting with Zay practically on his lap as they looked very lustfully at each other. 

"Pshhh like you guys are any better!" She said as she rolled her eyes. "No. I came over here because I needed to let you in on the game plan for today so Finn will get off my back. I swear he has been crazier than me when it comes to this wedding." 

"I'd have to agree with you," Rey said as she glanced over at the man in question who was currently scribbling on a note pad furiously.

"Anywho. I need you to come with me and the rest of the girls so we can get ready for the rehearsal dinner tonight, and I am truly sorry but you will have to depart with your golden boy here until tomorrow. Paige and Poe have been teaming up on something special for both of the parties." The smirk on Rose's face told Ben everything he needed to know. 

"Okay. What time do we leave?" 

"An hour."

Ben stayed quiet, waiting on instructions for his evening. 

"Poe is going to come to get Ben from your room when they are ready." And there they were. 

"Okay. I'll be there," He responded as Ben took the last sip of his coffee. 

He didn't particularly want to attend any sort of bachelor party but it was to be expected, so he'd do it. For Rey and her friends, he'd do it. 

"Perfect! Okay, well I have to go back to Mr. McCrazy so, Rey, I'll see you in a bit. Bye Ben! Don't do anything stupid tonight or else I'll skin you alive!" Rose added as she practically skipped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, okay we're getting close to the end of this little fic. One more chapter I think? Yeah. One more. 
> 
> I just wanted to thank everyone for all the support, comments, and kudos. Yall are the reason I am still writing and not deleting all of this in a fit of frustrated sighs.
> 
> Love you all♥ thank you!!!


	6. Confessions

"You really love him." 

"I... what?" Rey said in response to her friend. Rose, a well-known lightweight, was well past tipsy. 

The question had come out of nowhere in a crowded bar somewhere in the city. After all the things Paige planned were over Rose insisted on going on an adventure. Not ones to shut down the bride on what was now the day of her wedding the girls just patiently, or rambunctiously, followed. 

As if her thoughts summoned her, Paige waltzed up beside her. 

"You really love him," Rose repeated. 

"I don't know what I feel Rose." Truthfully, she knew she felt something. But something scared her, especially since she knew Ben didn't feel the same way, but of course, they didn't know about their little arrangement. She didn't know if she wanted them too. 

At least Ben is good at his role. 

"Oh stop it with the vague and angsty words Rey," Paige chimed in like the ever-so-blunt person she was. "We can see the way you look at him, it's just our job to get you to step out of your comfort zone and tell the man so it's out there." 

"Mhmm." She hoped they would drop this by morning and let her go down to her impending doom. It was easier that way. 

After learning the truth about her parents at eighteen, Rey never got the urge to drink. Unfortunately, that meant she was very aware of just exactly what was happening and was very aware of just exactly how she was feeling.

Luckily Rose changed the subject deciding to order another round of shots before they called it a night. 

Rey was hoping she wouldn't have to drag any passed out women back to the hotel. 

~

She finally got back to her room a few hours later, after safely depositing everyone to their respective places.

All she wanted to do was curl up in a big fluffy blanket and fall asleep. 

She kicked off her shoes and padded into the bathroom not even bothering to turn on the lights. She knew Ben wouldn't be back in until later as long as everything went smoothly. Poe was never one to let a second of late night partying pass him by. 

She hoped he was having a good time. 

Deciding upon showering she stripped her clothes and hopped into the steaming stream of water. By the time she got out she was practically drooping with exhaustion like a wilting flower, but she could never go to bed dirty.

It also didn't help that along with physical exhaustion she also felt a pressing weight of emotional exhaustion. 

Something Rose had said had stuck with her. 

You've been alone far too long, I'm glad you're not anymore. 

Tears were rolling down her face before she knew what was happening. 

"Shit."

She hastily wiped them off with her towel before haphazardly throwing it in the corner for the room service tomorrow. 

If only Rose knew just how alone she still was. 

In the time Ben and Rey spent getting to know each other she noticed that pit had been slowly filled. It was as if learning little things about him added a grain of rice to the bag she needed to fill. 

Little by little she realized just how much he meant to her, and now she understood just what that meant when he would undoubtedly leave her. 

He didn't love her. 

Even if he did that didn't stop others. 

She crawled into the shared bed, too tired and spent to realize Ben was there until she got under the covers. 

"Bad night?" His deep timbre startled her. She assumed maybe he had been asleep. 

"No, good night. Just exhausting and emotionally draining." 

He perched up on one elbow, in the darkness she could barely make out his questioning look. 

"It's nothing," she said. 

"Okay. If it helps, my night was draining too." 

He lay back and Rey looked over at him. 

"This may sound like a weird request, but can you hold me?" She hoped that wasn't a request that would screw with their agreements unspoken, delicate balance.

She didn't get a response so Rey closed her eyes assuming he fell asleep. 

Warm arms came to wrap around her middle. 

She sank into that warmth as fresh tears streaked her face. Suddenly, one hand moved and he started stroking her hair in kind gentle motions. 

"My mother used to so this when I would wake up screaming from night terrors as a kid. I like to think it helped." 

She flipped to face him. 

"It does." 

Bringing her arms to her chest she burrowed into his chest as he moved his arms to accompany her new position. She fell asleep with his hand tracing little circles on her back and the smell of him in her nose.

 

So many emotions and things had happened in the last few hours that when Rey finally got back to the room with Ben she wasn't sure the day happened at all. 

First, it was stress from Finn and his need for everything to be absolutely perfect (understandably so, but still that napkin could have stayed where it was instead of having to move over one inch), then it was the wedding itself which left her teary-eyed, then it was Ben. 

Yeah... Ben. 

Weddings and someone your falling for don't exactly make the best mix of thoughts. Not when you're trying to stay sane and still pull off the whole fake dating thing. 

He had been softer today than what she was used to. 

There were little unseen touches that she knew served no practical 'faking it' purpose. 

He even danced with her to an adorable, classic wedding song about love and support and Rey just wanted to fade away. 

It was still haunting her as she plopped down on the bed, which after last night wasn't helping her get her head back on straight. 

His smell, his arms wrapped around her, the softness of his eyes. All of it was undoubtedly fake, all conjured up by an overzealous mind. Nonetheless, it all came to her as she sat up from her flopped fish position and watched him.

He moved around the room, collecting items, adjusting things, looking through bags. It was as if he was finding literally anything to do so he could avoid whatever situation they were in. 

Ah yes, that's right. The awkward one Rey forced him into that he more than likely wants to get out of.

How did they even get here?

Oh yes, that's right, 'can you hold me'. Ridiculous Rey. Utterly Ridiculous.

God the tension was unbearable.

"The wedding was very nice. You did a good job managing those two. I don't honestly think they would have survived without you," Ben said as he came to sit next to her on the bed. 

She chuckled while wringing her hands. Ben was in close proximity to her now. Close enough that she could smell remnants of the cologne he used today. Close enough that his leg brushed against her ad the bed dipped to accommodate his weight. 

Rey had a serious problem, and it was sitting right next to her. She couldn't handle this anymore. Her attraction and overall giddiness in his presence was going to only get worse the more time she spent with him. She didn't want to do anything stupid.

She had to tell him before she lost her mind. And sure, she could probably lose the friendship with him, and never see him again. Never share any more of her favorite movies with him, lose her number one stress baking customer. Or worse, he could actually hate her for everyth—

I've got to stop thinking about this before I lose my nerve.

They sat in silence for a minute. A terrible unbearable silence that almost had her running out of the hotel room. 

"Would it be okay if we don't fake our relationship anymore." She forced herself to look at him as she spoke. 

He was clearly confused by her wording, of which she figured considering she decided to speak in the most riddled manner she could come up with in hopes maybe he would jump to conclusions and say things for her. 

"Sure. I mean we leave tomorrow so I figured we wouldn't have too much longer. Are you saying you want to tell your friends it was fake or just to not make it so obvious? I know I was a little much sometimes, but I thought we sold it. I'm sorry if I crossed any lines." Ben was rambling, almost as if he was nervous. Why, Rey didn't know. It wasn't like he liked her. Well he might. Rey guessed she'd find out soon.

"No, I mean we continue the relationship."

"I don't follow." 

"I mean we go home, I kiss you when I see you, we cuddle on the couch, I make you carrot cake for your birthday, you fuck me over the kitchen counter, and if we have to go to any more weddings we don't fake it." She had stood up during her rambled confession and was now picking at a spare thread on her sleeve. 

Ben stood up and walked over to her. 

She would never be able to forget how tall he was but at this moment she was struck speechless by his height. By him. 

"So you're saying you want me to be your real boyfriend?"

"If you're okay with that," she replied. Ben just stood there staring down at her. "This is stupid. I don't know why I assumed you'd even be okay with this. I don't know what you're type is, but I am probably not it and you are probably thinking 'dear god this woman is crazy'. I mean i already made you pretend to be my boyfriend which you probably hated and—"

"May I kiss you?"

"What?" Rey didn't know what else to say. There were no words to even explain how her world just shifted.

"May I kiss you?" He repeated. She looked at him, really looked at him. There was something in his eyes she couldn't describe. 

"Yes." 

They had kissed a few times before on this adventure they had, but never like this. Never truly real. Rey was completely lost in his lips, waiting for time to come back to her, but it hadn't.

This limbo of rightness just kept escalating until she was sprawled on the bed moaning his name and flying far from earth. 

It was exactly what she dreamed of and yet simultaneously not. It was so much better. 

She finally regained feeling besides just pure disbelief and pleasure as she curled into his chest and let her hold him. 

"I swear I've written this." 

"What?" Ben said as he pulled back from her to make eye contact. 

"You know my obsession with Kylo Ren's characters?" Ben smiled nodding. "Well, I may have written a few fanfictions that ended similarly to this. Honestly, I am very shocked I even got into this position, to begin with. I should have seen this coming." 

"While we're telling each other secrets, you want to hear something I doubt you saw coming?

"Okay..." She responded, not understanding what he meant.

"I'm Kylo Ren." He paused for a minute as if relishing in her amazement, waiting before he finished. "And I would very much love to read those fanfictions."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who has to thumbs and didn't use them to write smut because she chickened out..
> 
> This gal! 
> 
> I am very sorry.   
> I wanted there to be smut but I also really wanted to finish the fic because I didn't plan it out and felt like all the characters actions and stuff were all over the place and... yeah. 
> 
> Welp. :/ 
> 
> for anyone who stuck around this long... thank you so much ♥


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